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I want to talk a little. About something which I wanted to talk about since long time but I was unable to; due to shortage of time and also mental block from writing diets, sales work, emails and what not.
Since it's my holiday my brain is working again a bit as I got good sleep.
So here is the thing:
We Indians are notorious to give out free advice
I do not know if there is the same case with people from other countries, but I do hear Indians saying its commonplace among us. I do not encourage it though, disrespecting your country every time I mean. When you say “Indians do this, Indians do that” just think for a moment that you are disrespecting your motherland if you are an Indian and if other people in the world do the same. If others in the world are the same, please change it to “People” rather than “Indians” because if you don’t respect your country no one else will either.
So not deviating let me tell you one very important thing.
You know especially when someone is sad or depressed, they do not really need your advice
Yes you read it right. So do you know what they need? They just want to be HEARD and be LISTENED to and not to be suggested anything. If they need they will ask.
But if someone is sad, and they seek out for help to you or you offer to ask why are they sad, then don't give any solutions. Make them comfortable physically by making their bed, or giving them a nice chair to sit on, perhaps get them a cup of water/tea/coffee, and then ask them why are they sad. Ask them every single detail one by one as they uncover and you know they will just cheer up and not need advice. Maybe they will cry but they lighten up. And invariably they will thank you for making them feel better. And it requires no effort from your side apart from listening and being empathetic.
Problem is with us, the people around them. We talk too much and listen too little. If if and only if we just listened to and tried to understand why someone is the way they are, it will be much better world.
And yes, please do apply that in your interpersonal relationships as well. If you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend ask them to sum up in short what are they so bothered about when they are ranting and listen to each thing they say one by one instead of saying "Fuck you too". Not only it will stop their anger but they will be able to tell you what the problem is. Same thing for your parents, siblings who so ever.
Admit where you are wrong and tell them you will work on them. If you can't work on it then tell them you will try your best.
At the same time also see it as an opportunity to share your own grievances and ask them if they can work on it.
And yeah despite of what our culture says, I would speak up to the adults and tell them if I didn’t like anything they said, and if they defend I would ask why do they think it is okay. I might not argue any further but just ignore them, however I would try and think why they think what they think.
That’s not because I think they are too stupid to be argued with, but I want to understand more and more people around me. And by doing so I have realized everyone is right in what they think because of why they think so.
You know what? Every time you win an argument you lose a friend. Every time you choose to lose an argument you save your relationships. I choose to lose a lot of arguments now and ignore a lot of bad things by others as long as they don’t affect me severely. Because in the end I know that their small mistakes ignored and keeping them in my life is more important than being seen as an argumentative person.
For years I have had that personality of which against I am speaking up today. I am making a confession. I am sharing this because a lot of you reading this are younger to me and I want you to not do the mistakes which I did. I spoiled a lot of relationships with a lot of people due to this but every now and then I have learnt to apologize. I have in fact apologized to my ex girlfriends with whom things didn’t work out for all the mistakes which I did, even though I was not the one to initiate a breakup ever. And I did this all on random days sitting quiet and reflecting upon my own life. I had no intentions to date them back again but then apologizing makes you feel lot better. If you are really curious to know what happened next, they apologized back for all the things they did wrong and even though we don’t talk or we are not dating we wouldn’t hate each other.
By the way I will admit that I do this same mistake a lot and maybe this post will inspire me to improve myself as well. I speak too much at times as if I have ADHD. Maybe I do have it but it’s not okay at all to not let the other person speak and just never listen. I might have written too much in this post about different things which I want to share which are off topic, so please correct me. After all, I am also a person who needs to be heard as well and this is solely why I am writing this post even though it is a blog which is supposed to be about fitness.
And you know what. I'd end up this post of free advice with just one sentence. If you think about what I am trying to say in one single sentence comparing the too, I would not have to explain this post any further. However, if you do want me to explain elaborately please ask in the comments below.
I like to drink my tea in a porcelain cup rather than a disposable one.
Thank you for reading and listening :) If you loved it, please let me know in the comments. Share it with your friends if you find it worth sharing.
-Nipun
